The age old quest for Spankos
"I'll get to know a girl, take her out on a few dates, and things will be going well. Then things will start to get sexual, and slowly I back off. A little part of it is the typical nervousness of being with a new person, but a lot of it has to do with the fear that i won't be sexually satisfied without spanking being involved somehow. I have had successful sexual relationships with vanilla girls in the past, but they all ended after a few months because I just was not really all that into it."Further on, M provides this interesting speculation regarding his romantic ambivalence:
"It might not even be the actual spanking that's doing it either. It might just be the knowledge that I am lying to the girl by withholding that information, hiding a certain part of myself from her because I am scared she will reject it."
This reminded Aunty of a posting she had seen on Kayley's "Raging Brat" blog, in which she relates the frustration she feels at sensing a friend and colleague is a Spanko, but has been unable to find a direct way of asking him. Kayley notes:
"You know, in our own spanko world we feel the 'messages' when they are sent, and even without discussion, it was as if (her friend and colleague) sent the signal - 'I am into spanking'. But... that was it. Sooner or later, the discussion will come out again. I know it will. But I am curious what the heck goes through his head ...I need to know! A potential spanko needs to be investigated and recruited."Now, M and Kayley clearly have different motives for wanting to identify the Spankos in their midst. Kayley wants to confirm the vibes she senses her colleague is sending out, but has no interest in him sexually or romantically. M experiences the opposite in every way. That is, he has not sensed those "Spanko vibes" from anyone he has encountered ,and very much wants a partner who can satisfy his inherent need for spanking to be included in his romantic lovemaking.
And yet, these two people have in common the "Spanko Experience - both are explorers, searching their social milieu for the answer to that age-old question: "Am I alone?"
As humans, we Spankos like to identify people who are like us - both to provide us with satisfying sexual experiences, and to allow us the sheer pleasure of knowing someone who can relate to what is happening in our heads.
Of course, both these searches are also ones of seeking reassurances of 'normalcy.' Unfortunately, another Spanko curse, especially before the Internet, seems to have been the fear that our Spanking interest was someone "deviant" or abnormal, and therefore best kept to ourselves.
Aunty has found that Spankos often do find each other - perhaps it is true that we emit vibes that other aficionados pick up.
And, while vanillas are rarely going to learn to love our way of doing things, many are certainly willing to incorporate spanking into foreplay. The main problem with this being that their spanking technique usually sucks, and the Spanko will always be aware their partner is merely going through the motions during spanking play.
Perhaps some readers can provide suggestions around finding Spanko partners, or bringing up spanking with the vanillas in many a Spanko's life?
Alternatively, readers such as M can follow the technique demonstrated in this video clip first posted by Adele Haze:
posted by Aunty Agony at 1/09/2008 11:12:00 PM
5 Comments:
Dear Aunty,
As a life-long spanko I believe that we "birds of a feather (must) flock together", if we are to be truly happy." If we don't, we consign ourselves to relationships full of lies, denial, deceit, disappointment, and frustration. This is not fair to either party and the relationship is ultimately destined to fail. Now, with the advent of the internet, we know that there are plenty of us "fanny tanners" to go around and myriad ways to find each other. I would be fearful of settling for anything less than a true spanking lover because I would be acting against the true wishes of my heart.
As Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet: (Polonius to Laertes)...
"This above all: to thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."
Remember, The Bard may have been first at staging a spanking scene (The Taming Of The Shrew).
Much love to you,
Vini Demon
The first thing to know is that there are many kinds of spankos out there. Not all of them are "lifers" that become aware of their interest early in life. In fact, some only discover their interest when another spanko introduces them to consensual spanking (one poster on a forum board cleverly referred to them as "spank-oh!s", as in they get spanked and they go "Oh! I like this!"). There is also a wide range of tastes and preferences among spankos: those that prefer an erotic context; those that prefer a disciplinary context; those that indulge in age play or role play. Some are spankers, some are spankees, some like to switch. Again, some spankos discover these preferences late in life through trial and error whereas others know of their specific inclinations very early on.
One important new development is that spanking is slowly entering the mainstream of sexuality (as evidenced by a growing number of relatively positive depictions and references in mainstream media). And no, a "vanilla" partner will not necessarily be a clueless spanking partner or "just go through the motions." (I prefer not to use the term "vanilla" when speaking about non-spankos since many of them are kinky in other ways). A couple of spank-ohs I have had the chance to partner with got the hang of things quite quickly! Partly because they experienced more spankings growing up than I did (Note: I do not condone non-consensual spanking of any kind. Children should not be hit.)
Like the M described in the article above, as a closeted spanko in my early dating years, I broke up several relationships because I could not bring myself to reveal my spanking interest and lost interest in intimacy that did not include spanking. Coming out as a spanko to girlfriends in the early 90's was also a challenge at first as a few of them did not accept or even understand. But perseverance paid off. I am now in a most fulfilling long-term relationship with a wonderful woman who I introduced to spanking and who grew way into it, for her personal satisfaction but also out of her desire to build a mutually-fulfilling relationship.
And there lies the rub: Two spankos in a relationship may find out that they have such different preferences when it comes to spanking that they are not compatible. The best policy in my experience: Shoot it up the flagpole and see who salutes it. Come out to your partner as a spanko when the time is right and don't stop there: Over time, let your partner know of your many preferences and desires. In this internet age, "alternative" sexualities need not be as misunderstood or alienating as they once were. Above all, aim to be the best GGG partner that you can be: Be good, game and giving to fulfill their needs, and in turn they may do the same for you... and you might find out you have a lot more in common than you could have imagined.
One Love
PS: Thank you AA for posting about this topic. There are many spankos out there that still need encouragement to take the bold step of being who they are, without shame or fear.
First, thanks a lot for linking to my blog. :)
Then, I completely agree to the statement that vanillas who incorporate spanking into foreplay suck at spanking - in our own spanking terms, of course. I also agree to what "One Love" said in the comments that there are many 'late bloomers' out there, and I am quite sure that my colleague is a late-bloomer. And his spanking genes - as meak and feeble as they might be - are related to his attraction to butts.
Anyway, on Friday morning at work I went on YouTube and searched for the Fox TV spanking discussion. I sent it to him. He sits next to me, and the next moment I heard him roaring with laughter, covering his mouth with his palm and saying: "As a kid..." and laughing some more. He said it was a good one. He said he was not sure whether she is a spanko but he was sure that she did get it as an adult. Does the word 'spanking' make him tick, I wonder, because he had no problem repeating it at work, out loud, in various contexts, and in my presence. If not, then he's a hell of a teaser... :)
Anyway, when I manage to milk the info out of him, I will let everyone know. :)
Kay :)
Thanks a lot again, Aunty! :)
Excellent post. I find this topic so complicated and hard to wrap my poor brain around, perhaps as I do not have someone to play with.....so the quest continues.....
When it comes to spanking I really didn't have a choice, since I immediately became excited (sort of like a Pavlovian response) whenever I heard or saw someone getting spanked, especially when females were being disciplined on their bare bottoms. So yes, I guess you could say I've been a life-long devotee of the corporal arts, especially when applied to a smooth naked backside ; )
Post a Comment
<< Home